1. Q - What is a vampire's least favorite meal?
A - Stake !!
2. Q - What do vampires enjoy most about baseball?
A - The bats (and the double-headers)
3. Q - What kind of toothpaste do vampires buy?
A - Ultra-Bite.
4. Q - What does a monster wear when it rains?
A - His ghoul-oshes.
5. Q - How did the monster predict his future?
A - With a horror-scope.
6. Q - What did the monster do when he lost his hand?
A - He went to a second hand store.
7. Q - Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the road?
A - Because he didn't have any guts.
8. Q - What are a spook's two favorite rides at the fair?
A - The roller ghoster and the merry ghoul round.
9. Q - What happened to the vampire who tried to gain weight by eating more?
A - It didn't work... it was all in vein.
10. Q - What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A - Fangsgiving.
11. Q - What four things do monsters enjoy eating on Halloween?
A - Ghoulash and I Scream with booberry pie and ghoul-aid.
12. Q - What two famous places did the monster visit while on his vacation?
A - The Vampire State Building and Count Rushmore.
13. Q - What is in the red blood cells of monsters?
A - Hemogoblin !!!
14. Q - What spook lives in the "hundred acre wood"?
A - Winnie the Boo
15. Q - Who did the boy monster take to the Halloween dance?
A - His bootiful ghoul-friend.
16. Q - Where do ghosts keep their cars?
A - In a mirage.
17. Q - What is the hardest thing to sell to a mummy?
A - Life Insurance.
18. Q - How do you keep a skeleton from laughing?
A - Take away his funny bone!
19. Q - What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A - Neck tarines
20. Q - Why didn't the wraith win at poker?
A - He didn't have a ghost of a chance.
21. Q - What performers do vampires enjoy the most at the circus?
A - The jugulars
22. Q - What do spooks call their Navy?
A - The ghost guard.
23. Q - What do you call a mummy who eats cookies in bed?
A - A crumby mummy!
24. Q - Why do Casper's phone bills tend to be so high each month?
A - He is always calling ghost-to-ghost.
25. Q - Who was the smartest monster maker?
A - Dr. Frank Einstein
26. Q - What two types of music do mummies like best?
A - Rag time and Wrap.
27. Q - Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A - Because he had no body to take !
28. Q - What do ghosts enjoy for lunch?
A - Boologna sandwiches, peanutbooter cookies & a salad with boocheese dressing.
29. Q - What does Dracula always say to his victims afterwards?
A - "Fangs"! (thanks !)
30. Q - What flies through the night, has a black cape, and bites people?
A - A mosquito wearing a black cape.
31. Q - What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
A - "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back".
32. Q - What kind of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
A - High spirits !!!
33. Q - What do they call the heaviest female phantom?
A - The "ghostess with the mostess".
34. Q - When does a ghost need a license?
A - During "haunting" season.
35. Q - What is a vampire's favorite sport?
A - Casket Ball !!!
36. Q - What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
A - Boo Boos
37. Q - What rule does a polite little ghost always obey?
A - Don't spook until spooken to.
38. Q - What is a vampire's favorite flavor of ice cream?
A - Veinilla
39. Q - Why couldn't the mummy attend the meeting?
A - He was all tied up.
40. Q - In what room of the house would you never find a ghost?
A - The living room.
41. Q - What kind of candy won't a ghost ever touch?
A - Lifesavers
42. Q - What do ghosts say when they hear great jokes like these?
A - Booooo !!!
Q - Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when
A - They're afraid of flying off the handle.
44. Q - What kind of car do ghosts drive?
A - A "Booick" !!!
45. Q - What is a ghost's favorite type of pasta?
A - Spookgetti !!!
46. Q - Why was the student vampire tired in the morning?
A - Because he was up all night studying for his blood test!!!
47. Q - What did they call the female broom rider after she crash landed on the beach?
A - A "Sand Witch" !!!
48. Q - What time is it when ghosts haunt your house?
A - Time to get a new house!!!
49. Q - What does a witch use to keep her hair in place when she flies?
A - Scare spray!!!
50. Q - What kind of Halloween monster can clear a table full of food in only 10
A - A Goblin!!!
51. Q - What kind of gum do ghosts like?
A - Booble gum!!!
52. Q - What do you get if you divide the circumference of your jack-o'-lantern by its
A - Pumpkin Pi !!!
53. Q - How do you know a vampire is getting a cold?
A - When he starts coffin!!!
54. Q - What famous giant ghost monster battled King Kong?
A - Boodzilla!!!
55. Q - What is a vampire's favorite breed of dog?
A - Bloodhound!!!
56. Q - Why didn't Dracula ever get married?
A - He just never found the right ghoul!!!
57. Q - What do ghosts always order at McDonalds?
A - The hamboogers!!!
58. Q - Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A - Because it was the chicken's day off!!!
59. Q - What has one wheel and gets 10 miles to a gallon of plasma?
A - A vampire on a unicycle!!!
60. Q - Why did Frankenstein's monster go to a psychiatrist?
A - Because he thought one of his screws was loose!!!
61. Q - What do you call a dumb skeleton?
A - A "Bone Head"!!!
62. Q - What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A - "Do you believe in people"?
63. Q - What do you get when you cross a vampire with a dwarf?
A - A monster that sucks blood out of kneecaps!!!
64. Q - How do ghosts get through locked doors?
A - They use skeleton keys!!!
65. Q - Why do ghosts eat only the finest quality health food?
A - Because its super-natural !
66. Q - What TV show do all ghosts love to watch?
A - Squeal of Fortune
67. Q - What hotel chain do all werewolves like to patronize?
A - Howliday Inn !
68. Q - What city do vampires love to visit?
A - Great Neck, Long Island in New York
69. Q - What magazine do ghosts love to read?
A - Good Housecreeping
70. Q - What are werewolf's favorite tunes?
A - "By the light of the silvery moon" and "Who's afraid of the big bad
71. Q - What is the favorite drink of overweight vampires?
A - "Blood Lite"
72. Q - Why do vampires tend to make great artists?
A - They get lots of practice drawing blood.
73. Q - How do you fix a broken jack-o'-lantern.
A - With a "pumpkin patch" !
74. Q - Why do vampires always use mouthwash after every meal?
A - So they won't get bat breath !
75. Q - What did the skeleton say after he fell into the pond?
A - "I'm soaked to the bone" !
76. Q - Why did the tiny ghost join the football squad?
A - He had heard that they needed a little team spirit !
77. Q - What is a ghost's favorite subject in high school?
A - Boo-ology of course!
78. Q - How big was Dr. Frankenstein's castle?
A - "Monsterous" !
79. Q - What is a werewolf's favorite holiday?
A - "Howloween" !
80. Q - What is Shakespeare's ghost's favorite saying?
A - "To boo or not to boo...that is the question".
81. Q - Where do vampires go to deposit their savings?
A - Blood bank
82. Q - What kind of horse does a ghost ride?
A - Night mare
83. Q - What do you get if you remove the insides of a hotdog?
A - A "hollow weenie"
84. Q - What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost when they got into the car?
A - "Don't forget to buckle your sheetbelt!"
85. Q - How do you help chickens that are possessed by evil spirits?
A - Get an "eggsorcist" !
86. Q - What type of make-up do witches use?
A - Mask-scare-a
87. Q - What is a ghost's favorite throwing toy?
A - A boo-merang !
88. Q - How can you spot a vampire jockey?
A - They always win by a neck !
89. Q - Why aren't vampires good gamblers?
A - They always make "sucker bets" !
90. Q - What did the bartender say to the vampire?
A - This blood's for you!
91. Q - What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A - A hobblin goblin!
92. Q - When does Dracula relax at work?
A - During his coffin break!
93. Q - Who digs the graves when the grave diggers go on strike?
A - The skeleton crew!
94. Q - What kind of tests do they give in witch school?
A - They give hexaminations!
95. Q - Who belongs to the monster PTA?
A - The mummies and deadies!
96. Q - What is a monster's favorite type of necklace?
A - A choker!
97. Q - Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
A - Because he's a pain in the neck!
98. Q - How does a ghost celebrate New Year's Eve?
A - He paints the town dead!
99. Q - What is a ghost's "golden rule"?
A - "Boo unto others as you would have others boo unto you".
100. Q - What did the teacher ghost say to his boo-ology students after they all earned
A - Well done class! You did a spooktacular job!
101. Q - Why wouldn't the vampire crawl back into his coffin at sunrise?
A - He thought he was an all day sucker!
102. Q - What games do little ghosts like to play?
A - 1. Corpse and robbers 2. Peek-a-boo! 3.
103. Q - What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled his tooth?
A - The dentist!
104. Q - What does a cow say to scare away a ghost?
A - "Moo!!"
105. Q - What type of coffee do vampires prefer?
A - Decoffinated!
106. Q - How does a witch travel when she doesn't have a broom?
A - She witch hikes!
107. Q - Who do vampires invite to family reunions?
A - Blood relations!
108. Q - What flowers do monsters like?
A - Moaning gorys and Merighouls!
109. Q - What do you get if you cross a monster with an owl?
A - An animal that frightens people but doesn't give a hoot!
110. Q - What do you call a monster that has been locked in a freezer all night?
A - A cool ghoul!
111. Q - Why don't ghosts like to go out in the rain?
A - Because it dampens their spirits!
112. Q - Why do witches fly on brooms?
A - Because vacuum cleaners are too expensive!
113. Q - How does a monster count to 33?
A - On his fingers!
114. Q - What do you call two witches who live together?
A - "Broom Mates"!
115. Q - What did the detective say when he solved the case of the missing mummy?
A - "Well, that one's about wrapped up!"
116. Q - What do ghosts sing to each other on their birthday?
A - "Happy boothday to you, happy boothday to you..."
117. Q - How many vampires
does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None, vampires like the dark!
118. Q - Why did the skeleton learn to ride a horse?
A - He wanted to join the "Bony Express"!
119. Q - Where do ghosts go for their summer vacation?
A - Malaboo Beach!
120. Q - What do you call a fat orange squash on October 31st?
A - A Halloween Plumpkin!
121. Q - What disease causing infectious agent shows up every Halloween?
A - Hauntavirus!
122. Q - What kind of streets do ghosts like to live on?
A - Dead Ends!
123. Q - How does a friendly dog greet you on Halloween?
A - "Lick or Treat"!
124. Q - Why is there always a fence around a cemetery?
A - Because people are just dying to get in!
125. Q - What do you call the far out, radical relatives of a squash on Halloween?
A - "Punk Kins"
126. Q - What do birds sing on Halloween?
A - "Trick or Tweet!!"
127. Q - Why do witches tend to make great authors?
A - They know how to write spellbinding novels!
128. Q - How do you make a witch faint?
A - Use a dizzy spell!
129. Q - Why did the ghost want to join the Army?
A - He wanted to fright for his country!
130. Q - What did the hobo vampire say to the rich man?
A - "Can I put the bite on you for a free meal?"
131. Q - Why did the ghost become a sailor?
A - He wanted to haunt for buried treasure!
132. Q - What famous financial saying was written on Halloween?
A - "A ghoul and his mummy are soon parted"!
133. Q - What did Dracula say to Wolfman after introducing his new girlfriend?
A - "I've always been a sucker for a pretty face"!
134. Q - Why did the monster eat the tight-rope walker?
A - He wanted to eat a well balanced diet!
135. Q - Who is the Mummy's favorite actor?
A - Robert Deadford!
136. Q - What subject do all witches do best at in school?
A - Spelling!
137. Q - Why did the monster fail his math class?
A - He subtracted the teacher!
138. Q - What do you get when you cross a vampire with a cow?
A - A hamburger that bites back!
139. Q - Where did they put Dracula when he was arrested?
A - Into a blood cell!
140. Q - Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
A - They'd only let him be batboy!
141. Q - Why do mummies go to school?
A - To get a deaducation
142. Q - Why did the teacher send the vampire to the principal's office?
A - He had a bat attitude!
143. Q - Why did the black cat have a hard time living with the twin witches?
A - He could never tell which witch was which!
144. Q - What is the best way to talk to a monster?
A - Long distance!
145. Q - How do ghosts earn points in a football game?
A - They kick the ball between the ghoul posts!
146. Q - Is it true that a vampire can't hurt you if you're carrying a torch?
A - Yes, but it depends on how fast you carry it!
147. Q - What is a ghoul's favorite fast food meal?
A - A handburger!
148. Q - What do ghosts like to do for recreation in their spare time?
A - They go "booling"!
149. Q - Why do ghosts shiver and moan?
A - Because it's drafty under that sheet!
150. Q - Where do ghosts like to go swimming?
A - Lake Eerie?
151. Q - What is a ghost's favorite species of bird?
A - The scare crow!
152. Q - How can you make a witch scratch?
A - Take away her "W" and she'll itch!
153. Q - How much does a truck full of bones weigh?
A - A skel-e-ton!
154. Q - What do ghosts say on February 14th?
A - "Will you boo my valentine?"
155. Q - Why do werewolves make great golfers?
A - They often get a howl in one!
156. Q - After the new horror movie had its screen debut what did the vampire Master of
A - "Bat's all folks!"
157. Q - What are a skeleton's favorite two instruments?
A - The organ and the trombone!
158. Q - Why was the mummy such a great tackler on the monster football team?
A - Because he really knew how to wrap up!
159. Q - Why are all male vampires related to each other?
A - They are all blood brothers!
160. Q - What do baby ghosts wear?
A - Pillowcases!
161. Q - What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
A - Booties!
162. Q - Why do all baby bats start out hanging upside down?
A - They want to grow up to be acro-bats!
163. Q - What kind of bats know how to spell?
A - Alpha-bats!
164. Q - Why did the skeleton stop gambling?
A - He wanted to quit while he was a head!
165. Q - What train car do the ghosts always prefer to ride in?
A - The ca-boo-se!
166. Q - What do French trick or treaters say when they get their treats?
A - "Merci boo coup!"
167. Q - How do little ghosts get to school?
A - On the ghoulbus of course!
168. Q - What kind of key will unlock the front door of a haunted house?
A - A spookey!
169. Q - What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost when he asked her to dance?
A - "Come on Baby, let's boo-gie!"
170. Q - What do you call a skeleton that lays around all day?
A - A lazy bones!
171. Q - What Halloween mammal likes to play baseball?
A - The bats!
172. Q - Why do ghosts make such lousy sports fans?
A - They do a lot of booing the ref!
173. Q - What city do witches always pick for their annual convention?
A - Wichita, Kansas!
174. Q - What is Dracula's favorite board game?
A - Batgammon!
175. Q - What do baby ghosts say when they run out of Halloween candy?
A - Boo Hoo!
176. Q - What did the ghost-surfer say when he got back to shore after riding a big
A - "That was ghoulsome, dude!"
177. Q - Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A - Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
178. Q - What does a monster call a girl with 3 heads?
A - Cute!
179. Q - Why do ghosts always starch their sheets?
A - So they can scare you stiff !
180. Q - Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
A - To get his booster shot!
181. Q - What do you use to erase a ghost?
A - White-out!
182. Q - Why was the little ghost sent to his room before dinner was over?
A - Because he was goblin too fast!
183. Q - What is a ghost's favorite position in which to relax?
A - Horror-zontal
184. Q - Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
A - Dracula's dentist!
185. Q - Why did dracula lose the baseball game?
A - because his bat flew away!
186. Q - Who greets you at the door of a haunted house?
A - A ghost host!
187. Q - What's a monster's favorite song?
A - "Ghouls Just Want To Have Fun."
188. Q - What does a vampire say when he thinks he's in trouble?
A - "I have a bat feeling about this."
189. Q - How do witches tell time?
A - With a witch watch, of course!
190. Q - Why do witches prefer to live in hotels?
A - They like the broom service!
191. Q - Who do monsters always buy their cookies from?
A - The Ghoul Scouts!
192. Q - Why do mummies make good spies?
A - Because they know how to keep things under wraps!
193. Q - What do a vampire and false teeth have in common?
A - They both come out at night!
194. Q - What kind of witch likes to keep the lights off at night?
A - A lights-witch!
195. Q - What are a ghost's two favorite colors?
A - Boo and Baby Boo!
196. Q - What Halloween character keeps time for the whole world?
A - Green-witch!
197. Q - For what crime are ghosts most often sent to jail?
A - Booglary!
198. Q - What song do little ghosts sing in kindergarten?
A - "Boo Boo Black Sheep"!
199. Q - What did the guard out in front of the haunted house say when he saw the
A - "Halt! Who ghosts there?!"
200. Q - Why don't skeletons like to eat spicy food?
A - They can't stomach it!
201. Q - What is a ghosts favorite flavor of soda pop?
A - "Lemon slime" !!!
202. Q - What do you call a ghost with a broken arm?
A - "Castper"
203. Q - What did the cow do after she ate all the pumpkins in the pumpkin patch?
A - She made pumpkin pie!
204. Q - What did the skeleton ask for when he walked up to the concession stand at the
A - A pop and a mop!
205. Q - What's a monster's favorite Shakespeare play?
A - Romeo and Ghouliet.
206. Q - How can you tell if a vampire is lazy?
A - He uses leeches.
207. Q - How does a girl vampire flirt?
A - She bats her eyelashes.
208. Q - How can you tell if your chicken house is haunted?
A - You keep hearing "Cock-a-doodle-BOO!"
209. Q - How do you start a ghostly computer?
A - You "BOOt" it up!
210. Q - What tool does a vampire dentist use to pull teeth?
A - "Vampliers"
211. Q - What kind of vehicle does Dr. Frankenstein like to drive?
A - A "Monster" truck !
212. Q - What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A - Bone appetite !
213. Q - Where do baby ghosts go during the day while their parents are at work?
A - To the Dayscare Center !
214. Q - What would you get if you crossed a werewolf with a vampire?
A - A fur collar that fastens itself to your neck or a mad dog that chases airplanes !
215. Q - What does a werewolf put on before he goes to the beach?
A - Moon tan lotion !
216. Q - What do you get if you cross a mummy with a vampire?
A - A gift-wrapped bat !
217. Q - How did the vampire stay alive when there was no source of blood in the area?
A - He put in his bat-teries !
218. Q - What monster likes to fly kites in rain storms?
A - Benjamin Frankenstein !
219. Q - What did they call Bambi after he became a ghost?
A - "Bamboo" !
220. Q - What do you call a haunted chicken?
A - A poultry-geist !
Q - Why did the monster eat a fluorescent bulb?
A - Because he was in need of a light snack !
222. Q - What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
A - Ghost-Toasties !
223. Q - What kind of monster is safe to put in a washing machine?
A - A wash and wear wolf !
224. Q - What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack?
A - Count Duckula !
225. Q - What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A - Frostbite !
226. Q - Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
A - To see if she was his type !
227. Q - Why do vampires drink blood?
A - Because coffee keeps them up all day.
228. Q - Why do vampires try never to bite people who are sleeping?
A - They are afraid of getting tired blood!
229. Q - Where do vampires prefer to go to eat lunch?
A - A Casketeria !
230. Q - What songs do you never hear vampires singing?
A - "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on My Shoulders."
231. Q - Why are people afraid to have anything to do with vampires?
A - Everyone knows they have bat tempers !
232. Q - What's soft, moldy and flies?
A - A spoiled bat.
233. Q - What happens to a ghost when he gets lost in the fog?
A - He is mist.
234. Q - What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
A - The actors all get stage fright.
235. Q - What kind of neck-wear does a ghost sport at a formal party?
A - A boo-tie.
236. Q - Why are ghosts always such great musicians?
A - Because they really love the Sheet music !
237. Q - Where do ghosts prefer to go shopping when they need a new sheet?
A - At a Boo-tique, of course !
238. Q - Where do the ghosts of dead surfers go to haunt?
A - To Mali-boo beach !
239. Q - How do you mail a letter to a haunted house?
A - Take it to a ghost office !
240. Q - Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A - Sherlock Moans.
241. Q - Whom did the ghost invite to his party?
A - Oh, anyone he could dig up !
242. Q - Why did the alcoholic ghost avoid going into the haunted bar?
A - He was afraid of the boos !
243. Q - Who was the most famous witch detective?
A - Warlock Holmes.
244. Q - What did the skeleton give his girl on Valentine's Day?
A - Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
245. Q - Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A - Napoleon bone-apart !
246. Q - Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A - Sherlock Bones.
247. Q - Who won the "Miss Ghostly" beauty contest?
A - No body.
248. Q - How do mummies hide?
A - They wear masking tape !
249. Q - Where do ghosts prefer to go for a swim?
A - The Dead Sea !
250. Q - Why don't mummies like to take vacations?
A - They're afraid they'll relax and unwind !
251. Q - Why did the mummy take the stress reduction class?
A - He was all wound up !
252. Q - Why do witches prefer to raise evil chickens?
A - They like to eat their deviled eggs !
253. Q - Where do most werewolves live?
A - In Howllywood, California !
254. Q - What happened to the monster children who ate
all their vegetables?
A - They gruesome.
255. Q - What happens when a flying witch breaks the
A - You hear the broom boom.
- How do mummies begin their letters?
A - "Tomb it may concern."
257. Q - What kind of protozoa like Halloween?
A - The Amoeboo!
258. Q - What kind of math do ghosts do best?
A - Calculating a scare root.
259. Q - What type of music do ghosts prefer?
A - Spirituals, of course.
260. Q - What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door
A - A dead ringer.
261. Q -
Why don't witches like to stay home on weekends?
A - They like to go away for a spell.
262. Q - How can you tell that Dr
Frankenstein had a good sense of humor?
A - Because he kept his monster in stitches.
263. Q - What did the mother ghost say to the baby
A - "Put your boos and shocks on".
264. Q - What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby
A - "You are driving me batty."
265. Q - What do witches make great baseball players?
A - They like to practice pitchcraft.
266. Q - Which story do all little witches love to hear
A - "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."
267. Q - Why are so few ghosts ever arrested?
A - It's hard to pin anything on them.
268. Q - What did the little ghost have in his rock
A - "Tomb" stones
269. Q - What does a vampire fear most?
A - Tooth decay
270. Q - Why is Transylvania so famous?
A - Because it is Dracula's home terror-tory
271. Q - What happened to the guy who couldn't pay off
A - He was repossessed.
272. Q - What do you call a young skeleton?
A - A skeleteen
273. Q - What do skeletons like to eat?
A - Ribs
274. Q - What is a skeleton's favorite color?
A - Bone White
275. Q - What do skeletons have nightmares of?
A - Dogs
276. Q - What does a ghost eat for dinner?
A - Spookghetti!
277. Q - Why did the baby vampire bat wake up screaming?
A - He had bite-mares!
278. Q - What kind of tape do you use on Halloween?
A - Mask-ing Tape!
279. Q - What do naughty ghosts use in school?
A - Cheat sheets!
Q - How do you know if a ghost is lying?
A: You can see right through him.
281. Q - What kind of pets do ghosts have?
A - Scaredy Cats!
282. Q - What room can't a ghost go in?
A - The Living Room!
283. Q - What do you get when you cross a witch with a
A - A Brew Ha-Ha!
284. Q - Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
A - They're too wrapped up in themselves...
285. Q - What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A - It's a pain in the neck.
286. Q - What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A - A guy with very high blood pressure...
287. Q - Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall
A - He heard it had great circulation...